I Wrote This for Me

I don’t like being wronged

But I hate more being wrong.

Sometimes I’m wrong about

Being wronged.

That’s the worst.

I have never been one to keep

My feelings bottled up inside me..

I have to express how I feel and

I have to be listened to and

My feelings have to matter.

That’s important to me.

What I hate above all of the above

Is the fear of being alone.

Of being too difficult to love.

Of being too challenging to care for.

I work on being a better man

Every day.

I will not stop until I die.

And I care more than I should about

People who should care for me more than they do.

That’s people in general.

I am so self-conscious.

That is a large part of my social anxiety

But not all of it.

Most of it I cannot explain.

It’s just always been there

Lurking, waiting for the right situation

To pop up and say, “Nope. You can’t do this.

You can’t accomplish this thing you need to accomplish today.”

It kept me from making friendships when I was young.

It kept me from a College Degree.

It keeps me today from pursuing my dreams.

When will I conquer this beast?